ACES: Adverse Childhood Experiences
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) ARE preventable. Children who grow up in homes where domestic abuse occurs already have 1 ACE. Children who grow up in a home with a Coercive Controller, learn very much like the adult victim, to regulate their behavior. This abuse is Child Abuse. But ACES ARE preventable. Children with one strong attachment to one caretaker – a protector – are more readily able to process their trauma due to a strong emotional connection with someone they feel safe with. We are our children’s flotation devices in the stormy seas of domestic abuse.
Domestic Abuse & Child Abuse Are Not Siloed Issues
Research shows us that children who live in homes where domestic abuse occurs may experience child abuse up to 67% of the time (Jouriles, et al., 2008).
BUT, these statistics do no include experiences of covert abuse such as psychological maltreatment – abuse and neglect that impacts our emotional state and our brain functioning. Psychological maltreatment is evident with an abuser who is a Coercive Control: The abuser’s goal is to control the children in an attempt to control the adult victim. This includes minimizing the role of the Protective Parent (adult victim) in the home and using the psychological tactics that include but are not limited to coercive persuasion, manipulation, gaslighting, intimidation and isolation.
A child who lives in a home where there is any form of domestic abuse – physical and non-physical – is left to feel unsafe and fearful. Their brains may be impacted over the course of their overall development. Their reactions are many, including fear, anxiety and significant stress. These traumatic reactions may manifest in a variety of ways, including emotional
reactivity, cognitive processing issues, and long term physical health consequences. Children who grow up in homes where this abuse is occurring already have 1 ACE score
ACES ARE preventable and trauma can be ameliorated. As Protective Parents we MUST be the SAFE HAVEN for our children. This is so difficult when they are reactive and sometimes modeling behaviors they saw within the abusive relationship. However, it IS possible and comes with their seeing that they have one caretaker who loves them unconditionally with positive regard – YOU, their Protective Parent. This is their flotation device in the stormy frightening seas of the coercive controller.
Intergenerational Trauma is preventable and Protective Parents ARE the answer.