In the voice of the child, and research affirms, growing up in a home with a coercive controller has significantly impacted my developing brain. I learned early on that I must regulate my behaviors like the protective parent has, in order to support creating equilibrium in my home. Walking on eggshells is a part of …
Dear child, I know that you thought you knew me so well, perhaps I was the fun parent and maybe even the one that did not make you do as many chores. Or maybe I was the bear in the home, or both intermittently. It could have been that my behaviors were mostly directed to …
Your ex isn’t just being difficult… they are using your child to control you. This isn’t co-parenting. This is abuse. While they play the calm, collected parent in court, you’re left fighting for your child’s well-being, painted as the unstable one. Sound familiar? Introduction Coercive control is the underpinning of all abuse. It can be …
Coercive control ignites a fire within our children, a fire fueled by shame and manipulation. To extinguish this fire, we must consistently show up as loving, accepting parents. We need to offer them a lifeline, a space where they can release their pain without fearing rejection. Our primary role is to carry their pain and …
Coercive control doesn’t just take away a sense of safety or stability; it robs children and protective parents of so much more. There are many losses and these losses permeate so many aspects of our lives. We need to understand that grief is beyond mourning the loss of a loved one; it’s about grappling with …
We have explored the concepts of Fight and Fawn, discussing how children often mimic these behaviors as coping mechanisms in abusive environments. I want to focus on two additional trauma reactions in this blog: Flight & Freeze. Flight Escaping the Threat Flight is not just about physical escape; it’s a psychological response to perceived danger. …
Children who have been exposed to coercive control carry an immense amount of shame. Dr. Stark refers to them as secondary victims, acknowledging that their abuse is secondary to the primary focus of the abuser – the protective parents. It is disheartening to witness our children treating us poorly, and displaying disrespect and entitlement. However, …
